


You're Breaking Your Own Heart

by justafeeling



Category: Social Network (2010) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-13
Updated: 2011-11-13
Packaged: 2017-10-26 00:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/276616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justafeeling/pseuds/justafeeling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>…where Andrew is in love with Jesse, and he tells him this, but Jesse doesn’t reciprocate, because he doesn’t—he can’t love Andrew like that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Breaking Your Own Heart

~

"How long have we been friends, Jess?”  
“About two years.”  
“Well, there's something that I need to tell you. It's important. I'm not sure how you'll react. I mean I think I do, but it's one of those things that I have to say anyway.”

He draws a tense inhale.  
"I'm in love with you."

//

Andrew would like to say this absurd notion began not too long ago, but then he would be lying. He doesn’t want to do that. He’s always been honest about everything and this thing; his messy feelings should be no different.

It started with a movie.

His agent, Julia had called him one morning, voice in a hush, excited tone, saying he had to read this amazing script and audition for it. At that point, Andrew was confused. He remembers carefully opening the envelope with a sense of anticipation, reading the work and being awestruck and interested. The writing was witty, filled with lines sure to be quoted by others, but more than that, the piece was intelligent and its theme explored friendship, betrayal, ambition, and success. The main characters’ lives were complex and tragic. Aaron Sorkin sure proved that he had the ability to write compelling screenplays. The project had Andrew hooked and he had to be a part of it somehow.

During the reading with Aaron and David, he meets a shy, charming boy named Jesse.

That same person touches his heart, over and over again.

One day, Jesse becomes Andrew’s whole world by no other reason than Jesse being who he is. He’s the kind of person to be sweet and nervous but manages to be adorable all at once. Andrew looks at Jesse and it’s like he has to protect him from the cruel world. Jesse’s features appear very fragile and yet part of his personality is surprising dirty, even sometimes confident. He’s never been fascinated by anyone he has spent time with shooting quite like how he felt about Jesse.

//  
“Andrew, I’m sorry I don’t…” he looks at him with his wide, light blue eyes. “I can’t, I don’t feel the same way.”

Taking a shaky breath Jesse goes, “You’re great and I care about you so much. I mean you’re my best friend and I--” his voice breaks here.

“I’d never want to hurt you. I don’t want to lose you either or what we have. Andrew…” Jesse trails off, fixating on steadying his trembling fingers and fails.

Andrew glances at Jesse for a long moment. Soon, tears spring from his own large eyes. He can’t help but reach forward with both his hands, trying to offer reassurance, in an attempt to anchor Jesse through his pain.

Jesse flinches away from his touch, like cold breeze slashes through solid objects. Misery has taken a hold of his appearance.

Almost immediately, Andrew’s face flickers hurt before he wipes that look away.

“I should be the one comforting you, not the other way around. I don’t know why the roles are reversed. This isn’t fair to you. I should, no, I wish,” Jesse sighs. He doesn’t complete the thought and Andrew’s grateful. It’s only easy to picture just how many daydreams he has of what might have been.

He shakes his head. “No, Jess love, I understand. I get it, okay? It was a long shot anyway. I wanted… It doesn’t matter what I wanted. Please, please, don’t cry. It kills me that you are. I want you to be happy. That’s all.”

Jesse weeps harder.

Andrew pats Jesse’s hand. “Don’t worry.” He amends, “Okay, I know you. Try not to worry. I’ll be fine. We’ll be okay, all right? You’re still my best friend and that just won’t go away. I won’t let it.” The last sentence is spoken with conviction.

“Please, Jesse,” Andrew pleads next and out of all the courageous behaviors that he’s shown so far, this is the part where Jesse absolutely loves about Andrew most: his selfless quality, how Andrew puts other’s needs over his.

“I won’t either,” Jesse sniffs.

They're both sobbing, twin trails of rivers flowing down their solemn expressions. Neither one of them is sure who held the other first, but somehow they’re in an embrace, and Andrew clings to Jesse's waist with desperate force, while Jesse responds in equal pressure, wrapping his arms tighter around Andrew's slender neck. He’d promised that they wouldn't change but he couldn't predict it. Realistically, things between them might be awkward for a while.

Jesse keeps endlessly babbling into Andrew's thin shoulder, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Andrew. I'm sorry..."

Andrew shushes him. "There's nothing that you can do. I won't break from this. I swear."

"I feel like the most horrible person." And Jesse does because now he understands Andrew's looks of fondness. They don't just read 'I care about you. You're great.' They mean 'I love you. I'm in love you.' It's crazy how effortlessly guilt attacks his already negative conscious.

"You're not. You could never be someone near that," Andrew mutters.

"That's not true," Jesse objects.

"I believe it."

"You might be the only one."

"I wish you could see yourself through my eyes," he remarks sadly. Yes, Jess had crushed his soul without meaning to, but Jesse’s very nature would normally never allow this to happen in the first place because he’s actually a good person. If he could, Jesse would fix things. He’d want to return what Andrew felt for him.

He’s hurt, but Andrew can’t fault him for it.

"Maybe," Jesse doubts.

They stay in each other’s arms for a little while longer and Andrew allows himself the luxury of having a particular small dream fill his head.

//  
In this world:

Jesse hears his words and his mouth forms a bright smile in Andrew’s direction and there are dimples that peek through his flushing cheeks. Jesse doesn’t feel uncomfortable about the situation and only happiness is etched in his entire face.

Andrew meets Jesse’s eyes.

 _It's everything._

//  
Letting that possibility consume him one final time, Andrew decides to let Jesse go, sever the invisible pulls of his heart cords left and watches the rest of the lines slowly separate themselves. It’s not the end and it's not their end but he can't hope anymore in that way.

Eventually, Andrew knows he'll be alright and that's enough.

~

**Author's Note:**

> This was a tsn prompt from the tsn_kinkmeme [PART EIGHT] over livejournal. It caught my eye last month or so because it's usually my kind of prompt: heart-breaking and depressing.And on a personal note, I was going through something similar and knew this was one thing I had to write when I was ready. I wrote it for me and to honor someone else too. So if it's the crappiest piece of work on here, I'm sorry about that. Those of you who end up reading it,I hope you like it anyway.


End file.
